Denying My Limbo

OK, I'll admit it!  I'm in a state of denial over my retirement status.  All summer I've felt that this was simply a routine 11-week hiatus from school.  Yet, I can no longer pretend that I am a member of Esperero Canyon Middle School's staff for today is the date that all returning teachers report back to work.

Undoubtedly, my former colleagues are greeting one another today and swapping stories of how they spent their summer vacations.  I know they are busy preparing their classrooms and their lesson plans to greet this year's crop of students.  My co-worker, Kathleen, will spend this first day of registration diligently checking out textbooks to students and parents.  I miss being a part of that welcoming party this year just as surely as I know I will miss the enthusiasm and unpredictability with which middle school students have enriched my life over the past 13 years.

I'm reluctant to let go of that time of my life.  I've found it even more difficult as I've met new people this summer and they invariably ask, "What do you do?"  Nothing doesn't seem to be a very good answer, yet, it is true.

Certainly for me, happiness revolves around helping others.  That's how I find purpose in life.  So, right now, I'm living in twin states of denial and limbo.  I'm well rested from having this summer off, but I'm feeling itchy now that I know this school year is revving up without me.  I need to find some new opportunities for helping others.

October 16, 2010

Contributing to my unsettled status is another decision I've made for this fall.  Come the second week of September, I plan to move in with Norma, my mother-in-law, in Chicago so I may attend every single game of my son's senior year at Wheaton College.  I want to be there to watch Richard play outside defensive linebacker, and hopefully, cheer his team on to victory.  Because of my teaching job, I've attended a few of his games over the past three years and watched many more via the Wheaton College web site, but this year I'm free.  I'm going to every single game, both home and away.  My husband Tim plans to fly into Chicago each weekend, too, so he can be there. 

That means I have another five weeks of limbo here in Washington before football season begins.  Too little time to take on a volunteer job and too much time to sit idle, but perhaps I might begin to investigate some volunteer opportunities for when I return in November.  At the very least, I can face up to my circumstances and change my "soon-to-be-retired" status on this blog's profile, can't I?  Well...ah...maybe I'll do that tomorrow...